Its been a while since I've written and I believe it has been exactly for its intended purpose. As I spend some time reflecting on my next steps, I find the universe sending me little signals along the way. From heartbreak to gratitude, from abundance to just enough, from letting go to letting be, from action to pause, from intention to surrender, from purpose to just being, from plan to unplanned. So much of what has happened in my life is bringing me to this exact place of unknowing and uncertainty. The one thing that I can hold onto is the NOW and in each moment I am finding more and more of exactly what I need from tears to joy.
A few days ago I woke up in the morning and for once, I actually remembered a dream I had. I rarely remember dreams and for many years, those I did remember where not good ones. So this one was a pleasure to remember and made me think a bit beyond the actual dream. In my dream, I received an unexpected box in the mail and upon opening it, I saw these stickers and labels for a business I once owned from 2006 - 2012. A business I lived with passion for and unwavering commitment to serving those who showed up every day. It was called Stroller Strides, and here were these unexpected marketing materials in this box that I had no idea why I received or what to do with it. But in my dream and even awake it certainly makes me feel good as I reminisce looking back at those times in my life.
A few months ago, I set myself on a journey of self exploration and sitting with some of the unexpected events that occurred that truly reminded me of how impermanent this world is and how easily we can become derailed by a very critical moment in time. Its no surprise, but the moments that are beyond my control have the greatest impact and become the greatest gifts too. I have become someone who turns to the NOW to find comfort. I no longer seek only what makes me happy, but also to relish and simmer in what makes me most unhappy and most uncomfortable. To stay with the discomfort I feel when someone has a mirror for me to see thru. To be grateful for those who have caused me to feel pain and worthlessness. Showing me how easy it is to give someone else your power, even when they are not in your presence. To feel so diminished yet somewhere inside you, you know there is more to still discover, is truly a gift. Without this tearing of ourselves, we are unable to truly discover the genuine work that goes into nurturing the NOW.
So what compelled me to write today you may ask? Today was one of the rare days I asked for a sign. As the universe would have it, I received it and it was something in the mail today. I simply thought it was a purchase I made that was already on its way. I have been so excited to get (the Mala beads I ordered online) so I didn't even bother to look at the packaging info i.e. sender and just tore open the padded envelope. There it was, something I was completely not expecting, yet certainly intended for ME! AHA...it was a sign, well actually a book! The Very Hungry Caterpillar, by Eric Carle. And even tho I next looked at the mailing label and noticed it was for my neighbor, I knew I had to read this book! I recognized it from Maya's childhood years. It immediately put a smile on my face.
I took a deep breath and turned to the first page and read each word out loud as if I was reading it to the child within me. It instantly set tears in my eyes as I felt these words speak to me. The book shares the path of a caterpillar's journey to becoming a butterfly, but more then that it showed me how after all the effort that seemed to have been setbacks and even pointless at times, I was still hungry for more and that there was a very good reason for it! "He built a small house, called a cocoon, around himself. He stayed inside for more than two weeks. Then he nibbled a hole in the cocoon, pushed his way out and...he was a beautiful butterfly!"
Nothing is Impossible!